My depressing life.


Who the hell am I?

Hello there, reading this post. First of all I don’t intend to get any feedback on this because that’s not what I’m shooting for, I just want to have a sense of hope and just feel like someone in the world knows about me. My name is Victor and I’m a junior in high school, I’m loud, happy, sassy. Well I was that….. Certain events in my life changed drastically who I was and who I will be in the future, if I have one. The Victor today is a hopeless corpse. I suffer from a heavy depression caused by my identity and existential crisis. I see other people accomplishing amazing things or discovering who they really are making connections along the way building friendships along the way. They seem to have their whole lives ahead of them full of happiness and doing the things they love. When I see these people live life to the fullest it frustrates me knowing that I’m just here wasting every heartbeat not knowing what to do, what I’ll become and most of all what’s my purpose in life. Right now I seem to be in this dark void of terrible events which continuously pushing me down. I sometimes think that I wasn’t created for a purpose, I wasn’t meant to love anybody or to be loved. I always think that I’m here to be a good example of failure and stupidity. I feel like an outsider at school and no matter how hard I try to fit in I’m always the weirdo sitting alone on a bench reading a god damn book. I’m not smart, creative, sexy or social so why should I continue to waste my time here. Sometimes I look at pictures of my family and think how much of a disappointment I am to them. Brings me to tears that I always let them down and no matter what they are always there for me. I don’t know why I should be here, taking space, eating food I don’t deserve, drinking the water I don’t need, breathing the air that isn’t necessary. I’m Victor and I’m the lonely star.